Love Left Me

1
Love Left me

 “love left me ” he cursed . Barefoot on his knees he crawled. Vying the floor,Wondering how  this is all his fault; “this is all my fault ” he yelled.I could see the mirage in his thoughts

Trying to make a distinction between love and hate

And for days he neither drank nor ate

If death could bring him peace then it should be his fate

A love  so vile, it caused his heart to ache

To him the opposite of love now becomes hate.

I could see the darkness that has clouded his mind for years creeping up his guts: That his screams were almost sounding like ripples carved out of beams of a moving ship.

“Love left me” he whispered, Losing his  strength to the smoothness of the floor,He laid helpless, as he struggled to reach for the door. if it wasn’t for love, he would still be that happy man, and would not be caught up in this moment that has tainted his joy. I was there, I saw how his  weaknesses slowly give way to the tears that flooded his face; And like a mirage-cast of a burning sun it disappeared, leaving only visible  salty lines that ran through his cheek to his chin down to the nape of his neck; a true reflection of his burning heart.

Love left me”he hissed. The day he met her was the same day they

 kissed. He was head over heels in love, she brought him to his knees. But like the moon embedded in the clouds she brought him darkness. If joy cometh in the morning, his will be sickness. “how can life be so unfair ”? He thought quietly to himself.

I was there but couldn’t help, because I was just an image of his shadow self. He looked me in the mirror but he was looking at himself. His old self was better than this pale looking statue glaring at the mirror.

He quietly got up from the floor and managed to throw himself on the bed. He managed to close his eyes to sleep, but sleep was a distant commodity for the night. So he laid barely blinking his eyes until the sound of his alarm brought him back to the present moment.

      Time check was 6am, he had to get up and prepare for his job that starts at 8am. His head ached with a slight sharp pain beneath his ears. He tried to move his legs but they were numb.

Fast forward, hours later he opened his eyes to see himself in the hospital, slowly he turned his on the bed to look around and he saw his friend, James standing right in front him. “what happened Rick”? Rick managed to ask his friend. “ You passed out, James, I dropped by at the house to check on you and saw you lying on the ground almost lifeless;So I decided to rush you down here. Everything will be okay” Rick replied, giving his friend a wry smile. Rick has been his childhood friend and up until now, they are just inseparable. “Jasmine is gone” James said faintly.

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He first met Jasmine in High school; Grey field college, South Africa. A beautiful morning it was, while they were in a maths class, a pretty young lady came by the door. As she was standing, her eyes and that of James met;  he had never beheld such a beauty. And for a moment he saw himself standing right next to her with his arms wrapped around her waist. His imaginations got really wild.  She actually stole everyone’s attention as everyone’s eyes was fixed on Jasmjne.

“Yes young lady,how may I help you ”? The Teacher’s voice pulled James out of his figment of imagination.

“Ma’am am a new student assigned to this class ” she said; in a voice that sent shivers running through James’s spine. That was all it took. James fell in love instantly.

James met with Jasmine after school hours and they exchanged pleasantries. That was how it all began.

They became really cool friends and later found out they lived not far from each other. So each school day, they went to school and returned together. Their bond grew stronger by the day and even without saying it, the knew they were in love. Jasmine now spends most of her time in Jame’s house. They really got along.  This has always been what James wanted;

To love and to be loved in return,

To find someone who accepts you, understands you and  pushes you towards reaching your dreams

His sorrow has lasted more than long enough, he had waited forever for joy to come in the morning.

Their love grew from strength to strength, through thick and thin. Most times on Saturday they hung out at the beach in town, watching the children play and laughing at the boys who couldn’t run because they were fat. It was all fun, the end seem like a happy ending.

But as the saying goes “nothing lasts forever” their Love got sour at some point; things fizzled out. Jasmine just disappeared from town leaving James really heart broken and till this very moment in the hospital, he still doesn’t believe his world is crashing really bad. Everything he had laboured for and the achievements he won made no sense anymore.

Life really made no sense to James ever since Jasmine left him. It was later discovered that James was living with HIV. A disease he definitely contracted from Jasmine, because he had no partner except her; and judging from the fact that they often had unprotected sex, it couldn’t be more true she infected him.

One fateful day, James booked a flight that was to leave for Kenya the next day. Living in South Africa didn’t help matters; things only got worse by the day. Maybe a change of environment would work; start life anew, get a new job, meet new people, make new friends and bury the past where it was suppose to be, in the past.

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Kenya is a beautiful place, with diverse culture and fun places.the people are friendly, though there are always “foes” among friends.

James had to get ready for his journey the next day. While he was going through his collections of outfits, he stumbled upon a poem Jasmine wrote to him a year ago. He had made a frame of the poem and had carefully hidden it. That poem meant a lot to him. The poem reads:

We were just teens when we fell in love.

So innocent we were, but totally lost in love.

Under the cool morning breeze,

We took a walk each day barefoot between the trees.

Wrapped totally in each other’s arms we danced.

Miming songs of love, embellished in our charms.

Then our fears gave way to hope,

An inner strength that came from within and helped us to cope.

By the river bank we sat;

Watching the children play and laughing at the boys who couldn’t run bcos they were fat.

The happy moments kept us alive,

That we forgot those moments that ever made us sad.

Fast forward years later we grew,

From pain to joy, in love and health, from strength to strength.

People made jest and said  this love won’t last,

But babe here we are, amidst our imperfections we cleared their doubts.

My friends would often call me a fool,

But there’s no place I would rather be if not with you.

As he read the poem, tears began flushing from his eyes. A love that played him for a fool and left him broken. He broke the frame and gathered the piece together. He’s gonna burn, the past is the past, he thought quietly to himself.

He made preparations deep into the night.He slept late and it was morning already. He got up from bed, brushed, took his shower and got ready to embark on a journey he believes will change his life.

It was a beautiful place just as he had seen in pictures and read in books. A different atmosphere, different people, a different life from the usual life in South Africa.

There in Kenya, James got along with the life very fast. He was able to secure a job with a Television station as a presenter. All that matters to him now is his new found  life and not even the chains of the virus he is living with can tie him down.  

Of course James grew both at heart and in statue. He grew to a fine handsome young man that every lady wants to have.  He never disclosed his past to anyone. Yet amidst all these frivolities, something still haunted him : the guilt of his past . He thought it was gonna be easy to let go of the past and embrace his new found life in this new city, but it was not what he imagined. It is harder than he ever thought.

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And gradually, he crept back to that state of depression he had been trying to run away from for years. Slowly it affected his job as a presenter, and when things got worse, he was relieved of his job.He went totally from that happy to a jobless and depressed James.

One day he decided to end it. What am I living for he thought, I can’t really fight this, it’s over for me. He pick himself up and went to a forest to end it once and for all.

He got to the forest already shattered, he then found a log of wood and sat to actually rethink what he was about to do.

Just as he was in deep thoughts, he heard a voice “why do u want to take something, you can’t give ”? The voice sounded frail and like a whisper that was targeted in his ears. He wasn’t sure what he heard. Did he really hear a voice or was he just hallucinating. He looked around,he saw nobody. All he could see were thick trees and bushes. Who could be in this forest by this time of the day?  He thought to himself. It was getting dark already and James didnt expect to meet anyone there; so he shook it off.

Then he heard the voice again, this time more gentle and calm “ death would but only be the beginning of an unending suffering, choose life while ye still  live. ” James jumped to his feet from where he was sitting, his heart now racing in his ears; his legs visibly shaking. “who is there ”  James asked  in a frantic tone; only to look at his back and see an old looking man, with bushy white beards sitting while holding a stick to his hand for support.

“who are you ”? James asked the old man,still frightened. “I am a messenger of the universe and I am here to offer you redemption ” the old man said.  “redemption ”? James asked, sounding sarcastic.

The old man gave a reply;

“ the universe listens to our thoughts and you may wonder, but how?  Yes I will tell u how.  You see the universe has got two kinds of energies, the positive and the negative energy. When we engage ourselves in thoughts, be it negative or positive, we emit rays of energies to the universe, which in turn attracts similar kind of energy;  thus making us a product of what we think .

My son, for years now you have written yourself off.  Not forgiving yourself for mistakes that can be forgiven. Life is a book, we write our own stories. Some pages are written as happy moments, while others are written in sad moments. There are ups and there are downs, but life keeps going; The pages keep flipping. One must never give up. It is hard to start and finish but in the end it becomes worth it. ”

“so how can you help me with this redemption you claim to offer ”? James asked still feeling tensed.

“what you seek is not death, what you seek is a wholesome purification of your mind and soul. Follow me my son and I will show you how. ”

James felt something moved in him, and without hesitation he followed the lead of the old man as they walked in silence.

Written and composed by FleekDude

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